You Make Me Feel
by VisualIDentificationZeta
Summary: [MulderReyes] SUMMARY: Mulder and Monica finally have the longoverdue conversation and some interesting discoveries are made... COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: You Make Me Feel

AUTHOR: Vid Z.

PAIRING: Mulder/Reyes

TIMELINE: a day or two after Empedocles

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the TV show X-Files are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I've been a Mulder/Scully shipper since the pilot ep, but had to admit that there was some major chemistry between Mulder and Monica, completely natural and genuine, not the fake and forced kind, IMHO, they had her have with Doggett. Because there was a definite, unexplained, coolness in his relationship with Scully, this attraction and chemistry was even more obvious. Hell, they were practically identical. This had caused me to become a Mulder/Reyes shipper. There is such a shortage of MRR fics so I've decided to write one. Hope you like it!

SUMMARY: Mulder and Monica finally have the long-overdue conversation and some interesting discoveries are made.

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"I love Scully. She loves me. Deeply on both counts." Mulder explained.

Monica listened to him raptly, until just recently they had not spent any amount of time just by themselves. It was thus the first time Mulder had spoken to her about his private life.

"But we are friends and that's all we'll ever be. While I am sad because of it, it's a good friendship and I glad to have it."

This intrigued Monica as there was much more to this relationship than just friendship.

"But how can you accept it if you love her? What about the baby? Doesn't it deserve a real family?"

A sad smile appeared on Mulder's lips. "I'm going to tell you something no-one else knows, so I would appreciate it if you tell no-one, not even Doggett."

"I swear, Mulder, you can trust me." she saw him search her eyes for a clue if she was telling the truth and seconds later he appeared appeased.

"2 years ago, Scully and I tried for a baby with an IVF. It didn't take."

"Then how?"

"Contrary to the water cooler talk, Scully and I have never been lovers. In all these years we have made love but one time. That one time was all it took, it seems."

"So, how do you know about there being no chance for more between you two?"

He pointed to a plaque on the wall. "I've put my Oxford diploma to work. Scully has been sending me clear signals even at the time of the IVF that there would be nothing more between us. I would've been more of an Uncle to the baby than Daddy, had it succeeded." he said it completely calmly, without bitterness or resentment.

"Still, that doesn't mean anything. Signals can be misinterpreted." it was obvious to Monica that Mulder had given up, yet could not fathom the reason, because she didn't know Mulder and Scully's relationship good enough.

"Reyes, I told her clearly that I love her. I've told her that she's my touchstone, my one in five billions. I have never told that to any other woman. Scully didn't react to any of these clear declarations, except for saying 'Oh, brother' when I told her I loved her. Hell, I even kissed her several times. That's pretty clear to me. Had she wanted anything more between us, she would have reacted appropriately to one of the numerous times that I've tried."

"I guess you're right. Yet, is that enough of a proof? Do you have anything more to solidify this theory with before you make a decision that you won't be able to change later on?"

Mulder sighed and leaned back in his chair, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly.

"Scully is not the marrying type. Okay, that was a little harsh, but I have facts that support that theory. Before the cancer Scully had never even thought of having children, never once seriously in all the years we have known each other. At Christmas, the same year, something's changed."

Monica looked puzzled for a while, until recognition showed on her face. "The little girl she wanted to adopt? The one that was supposed to have been her daughter? I've read it in her file before I was transferred here."

Mulder nodded. "That's the one. Emily. She was an alien-human hybrid, created with the help of Scully's ova, harvested while she was missing for those three months. She wanted to adopt her, but she wanted to do it alone. Yes, she called me to help her in some matters, but she made it clear that she would be adopting Emily and taking care of her on her own. I was welcome as a friend, but nothing more. The same was with the IVF. She asked me to be a donor. That's big, I know, but it's not everything. After having known her for 7 years at that point, I read what she meant to say. I would be the donor, but only an uncle to the baby. Maybe the baby would even know I was it's father, but it would've been more of the type of relationship divorced fathers have with their children. Time with the baby only over the weekend and so on... I would never have been allowed to be a real Daddy and a life partner to Scully. I've made my peace with it, doesn't mean I'm happy about it though. I still have our friendship and access to the baby and I know she'd never take that from me. A husband just never was part of her plans for life, children lately yes, but not a husband."

"I always had the impression that she was fiercely self-sufficient and that she rather wouldn't tie herself to a man than lose that independence." mused Monica.

"I don't think it's that. Scully is Catholic and I think that's her way of rebelling against her mother, her upbringing, the Church,... You know what religious parents and the clergy want... married, dutiful, obeying sheeps that have a serial production of new subjects/sheeps for the Church. It's not as bad as in the history, especially in Europe, where the Church took a very large part of a person's income regularily. There are known examples where monasteries and chapels, even female-order monasteries, were such exploitors, squeezing everything out of their subjects, that their subjects rebelled. It happened quite frequently. Many examples are known of peasants rebelling against the taxes that the local clergy took from them in the former austrian empire, especially in 16th and 17th century. Churches, monasteries were land owners of large expanses of land, ruling them with as hard a fist as any other landlord. Look at the Vatican, where do you think the Church got so much money from for such grand buildings, art, expensive clothes, jewelry, furniture,... There were even many examples of when a priest was called to give a man his Last Rite that the priest convinced the dying man to write a Last Will in which he gave everything he had to the Church. Even though she was a loyal subject most of her life, in the last years Scully seems to have rebelled against what she'd been taught and having a child without marriage, or even a man, is a manifestation of it. But don't take my words for law, I'm just speculating. Scully and I have this strangely functional dysfunctional relationship that consits of things being read between the line, things not being given voice to, silent communication,... and you know how reliable all these ways are..."

Monica chuckled. She sure knew all right, her relationship with John was the same.

"What about you? We've never had much chance to talk to each other privately, without the other two."

Monica blushed, though she had to admit she had anticipated such a question, since they were talking about this topic.

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	2. Chapter 2

Mulder saw the blush and reacted quickly, not wanting the atmosphere to turn awkward, especially since they were so comfortable around each other by now.

"You don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable talking about it."

"No, no, that's okay." rushed Monica "I don't mind. We're actually talking, finding out about each other and I would like that to continue." there were a couple of seconds of silence while she gathered her thoughts

"You know, I had my whole life planned out when I was younger and it was nothing like it turned out. I'd graduate from high school at 18, from college at 22, get married by 26, have 2 children by 30,... Now I'm 34 and, aside from the first 2, none of my plans came true. Even though my mother was deeply religious I never was, even though she had tried to make me. Mainly because organized religion turns me off. I never like to feel like a pawn in someone's plans, either that of a superior being or of the clergy. Or of some stupid politician. As for the other things... I guess I just never met the right man to start a family with. I don't want to settle down for the sake of having a family, god no, I'm not that desperate. I'd settle down only if I'd really love the man, everything else would just come naturally."

Mulder grinned and waggled his eyebrows suggestively, making Monica blush at the realization of how her words had sounded.

She had realized quite early on, after Mulder had risen from the dead, that he had a dirty mind.

She'd heard Scully mutter something about 'dirty videos that weren't his' and the conclusion wasn't hard to draw.

A man who was single for a long time had to find release some way. Better porn than going out to some bar and pick up strangers, either ending up with an STD or with an unwanted child. No method of birth control is 100 effective and even barren women aren't sometimes so barren. Mulder and Scully's one night stand with consequences just proved that. Besides, she wasn't that innocent herself, as her battery-operated intimate friend in her underwear drawer could confirm.

"And then I met John. Can't say it was love at first sight, but he was still married at that point. With time I fell in love with him and it is why I came to the X-Files. But over these past few months I've realized that nothing will ever come from that. He's still in love with his ex-wife and I can't blame him for that. He's just one of those rare men that, when they fall in love, they fall in love for life. It took me time to realize that, time I could've used to see if there is the right one for me out there. Soon after I John met and he got divorced I just stopped looking, hoping that he'd see me as more than just a friend some day. But it never happened and I realized that it never will. And now I'm 34 and single, without a prospect of it changing any time soon."

She stopped there and her eyes narrowed as she realized something. "You know, we've talked about Scully and you, but you never said what your plans were or what you want, not wanted. So, spill it, buster, I want the full disclosure."

Mulder grinned sheepishly. "You got me. And I thought it was going so well... Woe me, now I have to give you the full monty."

Monica choked and giggled at the phrase. Well, the naked truth is something like stripping. She'd hoped that Mulder wouldn't give her a real full monty and start stripping right there and then. On the other hand...

'He _is _a very attractive male specimen, even though he'd recently been tortured by aliens (had the weird scars to prove it), experimented upon, killed, was dead, buried, was under the ground for months, excavated and risen had from the dead. He certainly is resillient and that's a good trait for a man. Comes in quite handy in marriage, it means that he wouldn't take his things and run at the first sign of trouble and complications.'

Monica shook her head. 'I've been single for too long. Now I'm thinking of Mulder and marriage in the same sentence. Even though the man is in love and having a baby with another woman. Yet, he'd told me that he and Dana would never be more than friends, even with the baby... I've got to stop this line of thought. Focus, Monica!'

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	3. Chapter 3

"As you know, my sister was taken when I was 12." Mulder's voice broke her out of her thoughts and she started concentrating on him again. "With that my family fell apart. My parents blamed each other and me for her disappearance. For a while I was even a prime suspect for the murder of my sister, but the police couldn't find nor prove anything. Made them quite angry that they couldn't pin it all on me. They were incompetent, so they tried to pin it on the easiest victim. They still are like that sometimes. Only about 70 percent of criminals are convicted and incarcerated. Ten years back it was only about 40 percent . The percentage went up only because of new techniques and technology that law enforcement has at it's disposal now. You know how useless they are, they usually just try to find someone they can pin it on so they can close the case as soon as possible. Samantha's abduction and the murder investigation sure took care of my social life, completely. No-one at school wanted anything to do with Fox, who'd killed his own sister. A few years later my parents divorced and I lived with my mother for a short time before going to Oxford. I met a girl there that I will forever regret ever meeting. Her name was Phoebe Greene. She is one of those that just like to mess with a man's head, screw him over and then see how many times they can make him come back to them. I had absolutely no experience with girls at that time. What girl in high school would want anything to do with the guy who was accused of killing his own sister... Phoebe was different. Only later did I realize she didn't care about my history cause she wanted me just for sex, nothing else. I got out of that 'relationship' with barely a shred of self-respect and dignity left. Took me a few years before I could trust another woman, but I've made a mistake again. Her name was Special Agent Diana Fowley. You know her only by name."

Monica searched her mind for information, the name familiar to her. Finally she'd found it. "Wasn't she in charge of the X-Files for a short while? She was killed, I think."

Mulder nodded."Yeah, that's her. We were involved, but then she took a transfer to Europe. I met Scully a year later and she changed my life. Because of her I could trust a woman with my heart again. When Scully was taken I fell off the deep end. Slept with a woman suspected of vampirism. That was the only woman besides Scully I've been with in 10 years. Diana came back a few years later and it nearly destroyed Scully's and mine friendship and partnership. Diana was killed because she helped Scully rescue me when I was held by 'them'. About 1 year later Scully and I became lovers for that one night and shortly after that I was taken. You know the rest."

They went silent and Monica rested her hand on his forearm in a show of support, earning herself a look of gratitude. Finally she couldn't help herself, the silence too heavy. "Well, it's official now, your life sucks more."

Mulder looked up at her incredulously, eyes wide and suddenly started laughing. Large guffaws filled the office, shaking his body violently. Monica looked at him, but then she couldn't help it, Mulder's laughter was infectious and she started giggling herself.

"Thank you for that sage assessment, Agent Reyes." he said when they'd finally managed to calm down.

"Why thank you, Agent Mulder. Glad to be of help." his snort was interrupted by a loud growling noise.

Mulder looked amused at Monica who blushed deeply and looked away.

He couldn't help but take advantage of it. "Is there are lion in this room somewhere?"

He was just about to start laughing at the glare Monica had sent him when another growl was heard. This time it was Monica who laughed, while Mulder looked away embarrassed.

"What do you say we get some dinner, Mulder? I don't like the idea of having to explain things to the guards when they come down here, claiming to have heard lions."

Mulder smirked. "Yeah, good idea. With the reputation that we already have, it would be better to avoid any more incidents."

They quickly sorted everything out and got ready to leave. Mulder helped Monica into her jacket and coat, and off they were.

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	4. Chapter 4

They had decided on a small bar and quickly found seats.

A young, pretty waitress approached them soon and asked for their orders, while eyeing Mulder appreciatively.

"What can I get you folks?" she asked, quickly checking Mulder's ring finger and satisfied that it was empty.

"I'll have a Ceasar Salad." said Monica.

"And I'll have a Wiener Schnitzel, with fries and a mixed salad." ordered Mulder and handed over the menu.

"No problem." said the waitress as she not-so-subtly fixed her name tag, which read Catherine, while deliberately bringing Mulder's attention to her generous bosom. She licked her lips once she'd written down their orders and left, swaying her hips seductively. Monica just sent a contemptous glance after her and turned to Mulder.

She raised her eyebrow, demanding. "Do you know how many calories are in that thing?"

Mulder shrugged, grinning. "I've been tortured by aliens for months, was starved, and then dead and buried for another few months, during which I couldn't eat. I have to make up for it."

She shook her head. "If you continue like that you'll be dead and buried again, soon, and this time there won't be any way of reviving you."

Mulder rolled his eyes. "Yes, Mom."

She shuddered. "Please, don't call me that, I'm not that old. Plus, I don't have any maternal feelings towards you." Too late did she realize her slip.

"Oh?" Mulder was intrigued and leaned towards her. "And what kind of feelings do you have for me, Agent Reyes?"

Monica mimicked him, leaning forwards, almost touching his lips with hers. "That would be very complicated to explain and they are very overwhelming. I don't think I can control them." she whispered in a husky, seductive voice.

Mulder was entranced by her deep brown eyes and started to lean in closer, when she said. "I mean, I've always wanted a brother who would be just like you and now I have him. You don't know how that overwhelms me."

These words broke Mulder's trance and he shot upright in his chair, eyes widening in shock.

Monica tried to keep it in, but she could hold herself back anymore and errupted into hysterical giggling.

Mulder just glared at her in reproach. "I can't believe I fell for it. That was not nice, Monica."

She composed herself enough to shoot back "Oh, I think it was fabulous, Fox." she drawled out his name, delighted when she saw him wince at the sound of it and then errupted into giggles again.

Mulder sat back and just watched her. "You know, you should laugh more, you're too serious. Must be all that time you've spent with Doggett and Scully. Please, don't tell me that they will convert you to the dark side also."

The waitress appeared then, cutting off Monica's response. The young woman obviously had her sights set on Mulder because, when she laid down his plate, she leaned over far enough to give him a generous glimpse down her even more generous cleavage.

Mulder obviously liked what he saw and Monica's eyes narrowed.

When the waitress left, with an added sway to her hips that had Mulder's eyes rivetted to her tight buttocks, Monica muttered. "You men are such pigs."

This was the one thing to say to definitely bring Mulder's attention back to her. "Why?"

She looked at him as though he were insane. "You just have to get a glimpse of breasts and ass and you're drooling, not to mention you completely forget everything else. You think only of sex."

Mulder smiled a self-depricating smile. "Do you know how long it's been since the last time I saw a woman naked? Heck, I didn't even see Scully naked that one time, she still had her top on and it was dark."

Monica's expression clearly said 'I did not need to hear that.'

Mulder shrugged. 'Call it payback for the pig comment.' said his own expression.

Her eyes narrowed and she glared at him. He smiled back innocently.

"Anyway, back to the topic. There was only one woman I've seen naked in the last 10 years. And she was a vampire. During these past 10 years I was also dead for a while. Did I forget to mention that?"

She shook her head. "No, you've already mentioned it once."

"Oh. So, yeah, there you have it. I've been deprived of seeing the wonders and beauty of the female body for a long time, during my best years and sexual peak, which is why I now have to take every chance to make up for it."

"You have a lot of things to make up for." she muttered angrily.

"Uh huh." Mulder was attacking his steak with gusto. Monica shrugged and tucked into her own salad.

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AN: come one, people, don't make me beg for reviews!


	5. Chapter 5

After a delicious lunch Mulder started rooting in his pockets. Monica looked on puzzled.

"What are you looking for?"

"My sunflower seeds. I know they have to be here somewhere." he said, then started searching through his jacket. A couple of seconds later he exclaimed happily.

"Ah hah! I have them." he took a plastic baggie out of his pocket. "Damn." he swore, seeing that it was completely empty.

Suddenly an almost full bag was thrust into his line of vision. He looked up from the precious sight into Monica's eyes.

"I'm practically addicted to them and always have a bag with me." she said in way of explanation.

He just sat there, staring at her with his mouth gaping open. Finally he shook off his stupor.

"Sunflower seeds!? You love sunflower seeds!? A woman after my own heart. Could you be any more perfect? You're single, right?" Mulder asked gleefully.

She decided not to bother telling him about the utter inappropriatness of his question and instead answered. "Yes."

"Good. Not anymore."

THAT one definitely threw her. "What!?"

"Well, you have an open mind, are an expert in occult and folklore, you're a believer and you love sunflower seeds. You're perfect for me. We're identical, made for each other." Mulder explained patiently, as if it was completely logical and she was just obtuse for not recognizing it.

"Are you insane!? You can't just decide for me that I'm your girlfriend just because we're so alike. I still love John and you love Dana."

"You said earlier that you know there will never be anything for you with Doggett. You also know about Scully and me. We're both moved on, so why don't we try to find happiness and love with each other?"

She was quiet for a while, completely stunned by his reasoning. She opened her mouth to object, but quickly snapped it shut. Maybe she was insane also, but there was definitely some logic in that reasoning.

She thought for a while and then shrugged.

"You know what? You're right, we really are right for each other. Just let me warn you, if you look at anyone else's breasts and ass but mine from now on, I'll shoot you. Remember, I have a gun and know how to use it. What is more, I'm fully prepared to use it. Your days of oggling other women are over. As are the days of all those videos that aren't yours."

At his look of surprise she explained. "Dana has told me all about them. You won't need them anymore, you have me from now on. And you're stuck with me for good, whether you like it or not. And if you intend to complain, let me remind you that it was your idea."

He was quiet for a while before speaking. "Okay, just know that all that goes for you too."

She nodded and he continued. "Okay, girlfriend, just let me pay this and we can go, I have a few cases I would like your opinion on."

She grimaced. "Please, no 'girlfriend'. We're not in high school anymore. And no 'lover' either, it's for those who have only sex to bind them, we have more."

"So what do I call you?"

"You can call me Monica. If you twist my arm you can also call me 'honey', 'baby' or 'sweetheart'. But no 'babe'"

Mulder grinned.

"And I'll call you Fox."

Mulder's grin vanished. "Come on! I hate that name." he whined.

"Non-negotiable." she said firmly. "If we are to have a romantic relationship I refuse to call you by your family name. If we get married it would look pretty weird calling you by my family name, wouldn't it?"

Mulder looked dazed. He definitely hadn't expected that she would even think about long term with him, much less marriage. He was surprised to realize that the prospect of being married to her didn't bother him. Hell, he couldn't wait for it to happen, for them to spend the rest of their life together. Suddenly he was looking forward to the coming years with more enthusiasm and eagerness than he ever had.

Still, he had to check. "Married?"

"I'm not accepting anything less. That and children. At least 2 of them. I also want you to develop as close a relationship with your firstborn as Dana will allow. As I said, I'm not accepting anything less." she stated and he saw the sincerity in her eyes.

"Good, neither do I, so I'm glad we agree on that. So, _honey, _what do you say we get out of her and start with the rest of our life?"

"I say: lead on, sweetheart."

They payed and left a tip, taking hold of each other's hands for the first time and headed out.

To finally fulfill their destiny as soulmates.

THE END

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AN: thus ends my first XF fic. Comment to the soulmates thingie... Mulder and Monica have so much in common, are so identical, alike, according to canon, not to mention the chemistry they shared just made air crackle and pop, that I think I can safely declare them soulmates. While Mulder and Scully shared a lot of love, history and an amazing friendship, I can't proclaim them soulmates because they are so different. They are different as night and day, personality-wise.

Should I write more Mulder/Reyes fics?


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